𝐼𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑒𝑥𝑢𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠, 𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑝𝑒𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑠. 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑒𝑥 𝑖𝑛 𝐴𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑢𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑑.

Time Magazine recently featured “The Silence Breakers” as its 2017 “Person of the Year,” a nod to the countless women who have come forward with stories of unwanted sexual advances and sexual assaults. But missing from the conversation are men. For example, a number of 𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑣𝑒𝑦𝑠 have found that about 8 percent of men are victims of sexual assault in college, and the majority of these men are heterosexual. Why aren’t more men coming forward? What’s behind 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 silence? Could it have something to do with underlying cultural assumptions about men and sex – that men always want sex, and that all men find it enjoyable?

While I didn’t speak with men who have been sexually assaulted, I did recently complete a study on young men who have unwanted, nonconsensual sex. The goal was to dig deeper into the experiences of these men: how the sex unfolded, why they didn’t want it in the first place and why they didn’t just say, “No.”

Their responses might offer some clues about why men are, by and large, missing from the wave of sexual assault revelations.

For my study, I interviewed a racially diverse collection of college men who had reported having unwanted sex with a woman. [...] It’s important to clarify the difference between “unwanted sex” and “assault.” With sex that’s unwanted (but not assault), a person makes a choice to have sex even though they could have stopped it. In contrast, with sexual assault or rape, the sex is both unwanted and forced. In other words, all sexual assault is unwanted sex, but not all unwanted sex is sexual assault.

The men that I interviewed felt they could have stopped the encounter, but didn’t for various reasons. [...]

Given the prevalence of partying and sexual experimentation on college campuses, I initially suspected most of these experiences happened after a night of binge drinking. But only 8 of the 39 men reported being drunk when they had unwanted sex; instead, most of the scenarios ended up being pretty ordinary. Some said they didn’t want to have sex because they didn’t feel a connection. Others were hesitant because they were tired, there was no condom or they wanted to do something physical other than intercourse. More often, men went through with sex because it seemed easier than just saying “no.”

At the same time, expectations and insecurities tugged at the many of the young men I spoke with. [...] we see a range of emotions and assumptions: fear of embarrassment, the pressure to always “want” sex and the notion that sex should always be enjoyable. [...]

There was little talk of uncontrollable biological urges, or powerful female seductresses. Instead, many described having unwanted sex in order to project an image and to take advantage of a sexual opportunity. They worried that saying “no” to sex might be strange, immature, offensive or emasculating. A looming fear was ridicule, and they didn’t want to be talked about as the kind of man who rejects sex with an attractive woman, lest others might see them as a “virgin,” an “idiot” or someone who’s “gay.” [...]

Although this study was narrowly focused on the experiences of straight men, I don’t want to equate their experiences of unwanted sex with those of women who have been sexually assaulted.

But I do think it’s important to understand how and why it happens. And it does make me wonder if it’s a missing piece in the overall debate over sex in our culture.

𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚕 𝚎𝚖: 𝚑𝚝𝚝𝚙𝚜://𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.𝚌𝚘𝚖/𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝-𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝-𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐-𝚖𝚎𝚗-𝚠𝚑𝚘-𝚊𝚛𝚎-𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐-𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍-𝚜𝚎𝚡-𝟾𝟾𝟼𝟽𝟽 (𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚊𝚍𝚘)

Assinale V (verdadeiro) ou F (falso) para a alternativa.

A autora diferencia sexo indesejado de agressão sexual ou estupro, afirmando que no primeiro há uma escolha em se fazer sexo, mesmo que não se deseje a experiência.